Just a little sin episode (13&14)

 JUST A LITTLE SIN

Episode 13

I fixed the new pipe, take off the bad one and threw it off. I checked if everything was working perfectly and when I was certified with my work, i breathed slowly before nodding to myself. 

The kitchen was the only remaining place and I had a good feeling after I was done with the work that took me about three weeks.

 I dust off, washed my dirty hands before leaving the work location.

I went straight to the man that called me for work to announce that I was through.

He paid me half of the money before I started the job, he was supposed to give me the remaining balance for the job since I was through with it.

It wasn't supposed to take this long but due to the expected plumbing material didn't arrive in time, it delayed my job.

Before going to him that day, I made sure that I was properly cleaned up from the running tap outside the building, I changed over to my normal cloths, I carefully fold my working cloths and put it into tools my bag before I finally left to meet the house owner for my balance.

After telling that I was done, he asked me if everything was perfectly okay and I replied him that it was all good and he can go and see for himself.

Renovation the entire building and changing all the plumbing work previously done on it, is just like working on a new site.

The only easy thing is the fact I will be able to trace out the mistake of the old and also apply a different method in the plumbing job.

This my plumbing work is just one year and half since I learnt it. I used a year and half to learn it.

Whenever I have a serious challenge, I try to call my master, the kind man that thought me everything I know as a plumber. He will calmly guide me through it.

i call him whenever I'm confused over something and he never picks offense, instead he told me that he was proud of me.

This is my third job ever since I decided to stay on my own and this particular one paid more than the rest.

As the man paid me, I thanked him happily. I told him to call me whenever there's any issue at all but I doubt if there will be any at all, maybe for the first three years.

I stopped at the market to buy Onmi some things like shoes, bag, cloths and some eatables.

I bought one or two things for the rest of the people in the house.

For my mother whom I'm not worthy to be called her son, I bought a wrapper and sandals for her. Not too expensive but I know mama will cherish it.

Maybe someday when I make big money I can buy more expensive things for her.

Onmi can finally start school, that is my main joy.

I asked Mama to wait until I finish the plumbing job and get paid so that Onmi will start in a very nice school.

She is turning three years by next week, not too young to start school.

Walking into the compound from the back side, I saw the same thing I try to avoid all this years.

The very thing that almost drive me crazy. I was emotionally and mentally affected for about a year.

I quickly looked the other way as I walked past it.

It still hurt deeply, everyday comes with same memory.

I remembered when it happened newly, i refused to come home or look at baby Onmi's face. I was angry, hurt beyond repair.

I went insane and made a home among the birds and animals in the bush for almost a month before Mama brought me back and out of my depression.

I thought living outside the comfort of my home and away from humans will ease the pain, the whole turn of event took everything that makes up my being.

 instead finding solace in the baby entrusted to me I became worst.

Mama begged me to return home, she brings food everyday for me. She came along with her usual suiting words.

"Tomasi, no matter how you try to punish yourself, she's gone and will never return. Come back home, we all miss you. Onmi needs you..."

"Is all my fault Mama, I did this to her. I caused her death. I can't live with my conscience. I just can't Mama"

She was silent and I listened to the evening cricket singing as the evening settled in.

"Before she died, she whispered pleadingly to me that she wish to be buried among us. She doesn't want her body to be taken back to her father's house because she won't be able to rest in peace there. She will also like to stay close in spirit and watch her daughter grow. Burying her within the back side of the compound was her wish. Your father objected, he didn't like the idea but I stood my ground. knowing that she is still within the house must be devasting for you but you must try to get over it, you have a great future ahead and must not continue like this.."

Mama involved Larry, my friend who came to talk to me.

Larry always had a funny way of doing things. He said to me

"Tom, do you want to become an animal? That's too late now. If the creator wanted you as an animal he would have made you so and make me a hunter so that you can enter my trap and I will get to satisfy my hunger with your meat. Go home and start living because is only the living that has hope, once a person is dead hopes become a history.."

He tries to tickle me like we used to do back in the days but I caught his hand and push it off jokingly.

"I'm sorry Larry, for everything. I was too desperate for revenge and it brought alot of doom. It was all my fault and I no longer want to throw blames or take the righteous part, it was just one little sin that set my life ablaze and it's flame haven't gone off yet. I don't know how to live with myself knowing her burial ground is right in my compound. Everyday I wake up and every day I go to bed is all going to be there. A foolish someone, an old cow and womanizer whom I thought supposed to have learnt lesson from his old deeds, a manly figure that is ready to deny till death or pretend like he has no interest in Oni but took advantage of her in her vulnerable state. despite having other women all around him, none of them were enough for him and he decided to take advantage of Oni and put her in a family way. I will never forgive him for hurting me this way.."

I said angrily and out loudly

."who's that? Who is the man behind Oni pregnancy? 

Larry asked curiously

"Is something I promised never to disclose to anyone.." I said

"Then stop speaking about it to everyone since you're not meant to disclose it. If you agree to protect an egg for a mother hen, then never you play around the eggs or expose it to eaters of egg because if there's a tiny as a crack on it you will be held responsible. If you vowed to keep a secret either for the dead or for the living don't play around it because you maybe tempted to spill and thereby breaking your words and making yourself untrustworthy.." Larry said to me before standing up to leave.

"...Go home Tomasi, you've mourn enough and nothing you do will ever bring her back from the land of the dead, it won't change anything. Lover boy, I never knew yours can be more crazy than that of Oni running after you under a love spell. Your Mama is worried sick, don't give the old woman heart attack..go home. Animals lives in the bush, humans lives among their kind. Go home and take care of the little girl she left behind for you..."

Larry said before walking away. 

After few hours, my mother came and took me home.

 I try to engage my mind by retuning to my welder job but it wasn't helping.

I decided to visit my step brother in the city and stay there to heal.

Yoara was happy to welcome me, Yoara was attending a pastoring school and also a minister in a church.

He tries to encourage me to always follow him to church on a Sunday or midweek prayer.

I don't want to be disturbed with his religion. I believe in God but not like he do.

We both view God supremacy differently and I applaud him for what's his doing but is not my kind of thing.

I followed him twice after much talk and decided not to go again.

I may never get used to such a lifestyle.

While trying to engage my mind by strolling around the city, I came across a sign put outside a shop to learn plumbing job for a token.

I quickly signed up and it was worth it.

I stayed in the city for almost two years before returning home.

I thought I have healed yet there's no time I passed that her grave side I don't get reminded of who is lying in the cold grave and who's daughter is now growing so beautifully under Mama's care.

I promised to be a good Dad but I never knew it will be this hard. I'm not sure I can play such a role well but I will try.

Mama said she tries to tell Oni to speak only life and not death while she lay in the poll of her own blood struggling to give birth.. Oni said she just wanted to be with her mother, she was tired of living.

Before then I have asked her if she does not want to live to get married and watch our family grow and she said she will love that.

I wanted to change her mind from speaking about death and to focus on the brighter side but I guess there's a lot of things I can't change.

All hopes and dreams were dashed maybe because of the words of her mouth or because of me.

It all started with me, all was my fault and that's why is hard to heal fully from the hurt.

JUST A LITTLE SIN

Episode 14

 Molly was sent off to the city to learn tailoring.

Her love triangle with Juru came to a stop after his bike accident which is well deserving, although he almost died or get deformed.

Juru did way too much and deserve to be punished.

I warned him about my sister and several other things but he wouldn't untill nature stroke him hard.

Unfortunately it was the day of the village big market that he ran into a truck carrying loads of goods for traders right in the middle of the market road.

while the crowd were confused on what to do with the half dead Juru on the floor, his damaged bike and unconscious self with blood all over him, he lay helplessly on the ground, Mama who happens to be there at the market and close to the accident scene rushed down to help and with the help of two other women they rushed him to a nearby clinic.

Mother goes to visit him with food and fruits until he was well enough to be discharged

He thanked Mama for her kindness and disappeared after then, never to be seen again.

He did not even know that the woman that helped him was my mother. What a world.

Is over a year and no sign of Juru.

That was the end of his association with Molly and Molly who never agreed to leave the village to the city started desiring for that same thing.

Mama sent her forth and Molly will be free from learning fashion design in few months from now.

Life is moving on for everyone and maybe a little for me. There used to come a time when it remains stand still, Without making effort to move.

I don't know if this hurt will ever go away, the wound refuses to heal.

Why did she have to go at the exact time I needed her the most.

I flashed back and remember walking into that room that very day, I saw her lifeless body on the bed. I saw the baby wrapped up in the arm of the nurse.

I saw mama on the floor, helplessly sitting and weeping.

I couldn't believe she was gone then or even now.

It still felt like I will one day wake up and see her, get married just like we planned and live happily ever after.

I grabbed her body, I didn't mind if I was covered with her blood, is not possible for Oni to die, not after all our plans.

They tried to hold me but I was going crazy, I wanted to die with her.

I have never loved so much in my life and didn't realized how much deep I was into her until her death.

Maybe I had a teenage fantasy love thingy for Dunfi before her own death came but with Oni, she was like the breath I take.

I wondered how it took me so long to realize it.

Just the time I turned good and ready to be responsible the enemy took me unaware.

No matter the talk or advice I got from mama and friends I still can't move past the guilt and pain that I feel daily.

I could have done better to protect her but I didn't.

It will always be my fault, I don't care if her spoken words brought about her death but it all started with me.

If I haven't done what I did, maybe she would have still be alive and without any pregnancy.. probably.

If I decided to move on what of the nightmares, yes. The terrifying dreams are always paying a visit to me every night.

Oni falling into a pit and calling me for help but before I will be able to caught her midair and save her it will be too late.

Sometimes it will be a house fire, a falling tree, a river about to gulp her down, a strong wind like tornado, a ground suddenly breaking open and she slipped into it.

All of this different time and dreams Oni will always call out to me for help before the danger consumes her.

I have never been able to save her, not even once.

Mama said I should go back to the city and stay for a while again.

I agree, i need to escape before it drives me insane and into the bush again.

Onmi is in safe hands and I will be sending money home anytime I get something doing, for her school and upkeeps.

Mama is trying and isn't complaining but I can't leave all the loads for her.

Onmi is my responsibility now because even her biological father does not even know she exist or that Onmi belongs to him.

I dislike this man but Oni make me promise not to confront anyone or let anybody know that Onmi isn't mine. 

Odez bad said the father of her baby should be given money for two plot, it was later that I realized it was a proverb. 

Odez didn't literally meant real money but it was a mockery riddle I needed to solve and I wouldn't have been able until Oni told me who was responsible.

Shamelessly not knowing what his deed caused.

Oni's secret will remain safe but I don't know for how long before I explode.

By next week, I'm living for the city again and hoping the mental and emotionally trouble that have strike me again will finally leave me alone.

I know death is inevitable but Oni's death was avoidable and I'm left with her daughter, my daughter who's in my mother's care.

Due to all the circumstances surrounding her, I hardly stay with her for long.

Onmi reminds me alot. is unfortunate she came into a painful world loosing her mother way too early and did not get the chance to suckle upon her mother's breast.

I don't know when all of this will be over, I don't even know if it will even be over but like Larry said, is only the living that has hope.

I'm hopeful that no matter what, my hurt will one day disappear but for now I will bear it's heaviness until the load is off my shoulder.

The city will be helpful. Yoara, my step brother knows better not to disturb me with religion. 

Maybe someday I will be ready to really listen to all he's been saying but not now.

I just want to live and forget the hurt of the past.

Is three years already and it still feels like yesterday.